Christmas Update

Michael is out of the hospital; thank God.

The Boyd family Christmas was still cancelled, but we will make it up with some big family bash in the middle of the year.

The Mangas family Christmas was a blast as usual, with 6 bajillion little tykes running around. Some are not so little, like Lacey, Jaycee, Taylor, Kobe, and Jaron, who now range from 6th to 9th grades. Sheesh, they're old! My little baby Blade is in 1st grade now, and was reading to me; he even knew words like "auditorium." Fantastic! He and I are madly in love, and he really makes family get-togethers extra-special. I played Spades with Aunt Jana, Shawna, and Tracey, and we had a blast. I even sat at the adult table for the first time. It's nice to be considered an adult after being the baby for so many years!

The holidays are supposed to be a really difficult time after a family member has died, but it was just as bustling and exciting as usual. The only bad part was when family pictures were taken. Dad was always messing with that old camera and rearranging the wiggling kids and the uncomfortable adults for the perfect family portrait. Aunt Jana took over as photographer, but it just wasn't the same. The worst part was when individual family groups had photos taken. Aunt Jean's crew had theirs taken, then the giant Estle clan, then the Mangas'. That consisted of Maryann, my step-mother, and me this year. Mike and his new fiance, Jenny, had already left, and Doug, Stephanie, Benji, Shelbi, and Jason were all missing this year. Talk about awkward. I could feel people looking at our meager picture and fighting that sad look. At least Aunt Jean had a huge family to cover up Uncle Glen's absence. She must have been having a really hard time, too.

I guess Christmas turned out a lot better than I thought it would. I'm really relieved that it's all over. I've always felt like I'm kind of the black sheep with Dad's family. I don't even know why. No one has ever shown me anything but love, but I feel different for some reason. The drive to Grandma's every year is a bit tense, but 3 seconds after I walk into the door and have ribs crushed by my army of little cousins and have 20 "SUZANNE! We're so happy to see you!"s, I wonder what I was ever nervous about. That feeling comes back every year, before every family holiday, but it just seems unfounded. Hm.

I went Christmas carolling with the (get this:) Christmas Carrollers...HA...it's a group of Carroll High School Alumni (plus one random kid), so we have named ourselves with that play on words. Cute. Anyway, it was filled with the traditional versions of many Christmas favorites and the fun, jazzy, "Doop doop, doop do do" version of "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas". We were loud, sometimes off-key, and full of enough Christmas spirit to make Delilah, the Lite 99.9 all-Christmas-all-the-time station deejay, seem like the Grinch. We shared old memories, listen to Stephen Brandstetter's AWFUL jokes, and drank more cocoa than should be humanly possible.

After carolling, I met Nate Watson, and old high school friend, at Waffle House. We drank coffee and talked for 4 hours, and had a blast. He moved to Texas, and I really miss him. He said he's going to try to come visit me in Maryland during break, so I hope he is able to!

This blog was boring; I'm so sorry. I hate writing these bland update blogs, and I'm sure you hate reading them even more, but I think they're important. Aunt Jean told me today that she reads my blog, and I'm so glad. I'm able to keep people updated about things going on in my life, and I completely suck at keeping in contact with people. It's no reflection on how important they are to me...I'm just awful at it with everyone! So I apologize to those of you whom I haven't spoken to in a while. Leave comments, and let me know you're reading.

Love and Christmas spirit,

Suzanne

Nervous / Merry Christmas!

In my last post, I ended with a to be continued of sorts. Sandy, Risha's mother (see archived post about Risha), called me out of the blue. She was washing dishes, and suddenly remembered that Risha used to put all of her friends' addresses and phone numbers in an old address book that was packed away in some boxes. Our phone number was in it. I am so thankful that she called. She sounds...well, she sounds like her child just died at an early age from a tragic cause. My datebook was filled to capacity, and i looked at Tuesday (tomorrow) and put a big X through everything. Some things are more important. Mom decided to go with me, so we'll be traveling to Indiana tomorrow. We'll stop by to see my Grandma Mangas, too. I just want Sandy to know that I will always be around for her when she needs me. Risha kind of pushed me away (Sandy told me she did that to all of her "decent" friends), but I see no reason to abandon her mom. I's nervous. We were raised the exact same way, and things could have very easily been the other way around. It could have been my mom who was washing dishes and wondering what went wrong. It could have been my mom who found my old address book and called Risha. Risha and her mom could have been driving to Dayton tomorow to show my mom they were still there for her after so many years. It could have gone the other way. It's just...sobering...pun certainly not intended.

I don't think I'll be posting for a while, so check back only if you're bored. I may decide to throw in a post here and there, but nothing regular. I'll be back in full swing after the New Year.

Please have a Christmas that is full of tacky, twinkly lights; carols sung loudly and off key; stomachs that are just past comfortably full; phone calls from old friends; cards from people you haven't spoken to in decades; carpets full of pine needles that just won't vacuum up; shopping trips that will make your credit card bill far too high, but the smiles of your closest friends and family members far bigger than you could have imagined; and, I do hope, church services that are so beautiful that they make your heartbeat quicken and remind you that Christmas is amazing not only because of everything I previously mentioned, but because we are lucky enough to have had a baby boy, whom we've never officially been introduced to, be born and give us all a much needed second chance.

Merry Christmas, friends and family. I love you.

P.S. Welcome to my newest reader, the amazing Miss Kristi! I hope you will be both informed and entertained!

Surprisingly, I have decided to test my patience and use the computer at my parents' house. Oh my goodness. This computer is s-s-s-l-l-l-o-o-o-w-w-w!

My grades are all in, and I have all A's and B's. Bravo to me! I have a 3.588 for the semester, and a 3.468 cumulative now. I can't believe my GPA actually went up! Somehow I worked my ass off at the end and got an A in Social Policy. That clas was really tough, but I learned a lot.

So I had a doctor's appointment this morning to get tested for Cushing's Disease. You can google that. After driving around the parking lot for 20 minutes trying to find a spot, I finally found one. I put on my turn signal, ease up behind the car backing out, and politely wait. Just as I was turning into the spot, this WWI veteren (he had to be, I swear) who was at least a 105 years old gunned it, planning to ram my little Cavalier. I let him have the space. I drove around for another 10 minutes, and found the last space in the last row. *sigh* So I start to run toward the hospital (by this time I'm 13 minutes late, and they cut you out of the system after 15 mintues past your appoitnment), and slip on the ice. I fly through the air, and land with a painful *THUD* on my biscuits. Every one of the 15 or so people stared for about 30 seconds until one man said, "Uh, Ma'am, are you ok?" I replied, "Yeah, only my pride is hurt," and i continue to make a b-line toward the front door. Once I got there, I knew I'd only be about 30 seconds away from where my appointment was. Surprise, surprise, the hospital decided it was a grand time to instal 10-foot plywood blockades. Remodeling the already newly remodeled foyer was obviously at the top of the hospital's list, not salting the sidewalks or creating more parking spaces. After running all the way around the hospital, I make it to the front window at exactly 10:16. "I'm sorry, I just marked you in the computer as a no-show. You'll have to call the appointment line and make a new appointment." "But...[insert ENTIRE story here]" "Yes, but you should have been on time. I can't help you. NEEEEEEEEXT!"

Oh my goodness.

I nearly karate chopped her head off.

I felt no restraint while cursing her as I stomped out of the door and leaving a waiting room full of people with uncomfortable loks on their faces.

*Sigh*

So I have a new appointment on Thursday, and I will be leaving my house a full hour before the appointment in scheduled. Sheesh.

Risha's mother is on the phone with my mother. We haven't heard from her in at least 10 years.

I'm going to go.

I'll let you know how this works out. I wish I could hug her.






Suz.

GoodSearch

I just stumbled upon this website, goodsearch.com.

You choose the charity of your choice (I chose my grade school alma mater, St. Helen), and every time you search, 1 cent is donated to them. I'm sad to see that poor little St. Helen has so far only raised less than $3.00 in 3 years, so I'm taking the time to advertise it on my blog (not that I have an astounding readership, but every little bit helps). It's through Yahoo! search, so the search is pretty good, and who doesn't want to help out just by sitting in front of the computer?

So, whether you choose St. Helen or not (I hope you do!), please use goodsearch.com for all of your internet searching needs from now on. Thanks!

Big Girl Job in Boston?

I was checking my email, and I received an e-newsletter from CommonGoodCareers.org. I signed up with them when I went to the Idealist conference in Chicago (again, a BIG thank you to Doug for funding that trip. It was amazing!). They are a nonprofit career website, including career development, job listings, and interesting new information related to the field. One of the jobs recently posted was with Horizons for Homeless Children. It's an organization that provides services to homeless children and their families. They have preschools/daycare centers only for homeless kids, and they also have PlayPlaces, which give kids a safe place for them to play. Playing is so key to proper development, and I love what this organization does! They even help older homeless kids get through the college application process, which is terrifying and overwhelming for any kid. The position I applied for is the Events and Donor Relations Manager. I would be focusing only on fundraising events and donor cultivation, which are my 2 favorite parts of development. I had Laura and Andrew both spruce up my cover letter and resume, and I fixed them up a few more times, so they should be in pretty good shape. The frustrating thing about resumes is that they're never perfect. So I emailed those out to the contact person for the job, and I'll call on Wednesday to make sure she received it. I'm so nervous and excited! I've always been one to think 10 steps ahead, so it's hard not to get my hopes up. Wish me luck!


Suzanne M. Mangas,
Big Girl Job Getter.

Worst Blogger Ever

Everyone has his/her faults; I have many. My most obvious one to you, my deservedly not-so-loyal readers, is that I am a terrible blogger. Every time I post, I promise that I will be a better blogger. I promise to update you nearly daily. I promise to give you interesting stories. I fail. I lie. I am truly sorry.

On with the blog:

Vagina Monologue rehearsals are not a source of fun stories. We don't even rehearse. We make vaginas out of construction paper and glitter. My vagina wears a pink, sparkly tutu and a Cubs hat. Weird.

Classes are finished, and exam week is all that stands between be and my 15-day Christmas vacation. I have to take intersession courses to get back on track for graduation, and I'll be in the Burg on January 1st. LAME!

I checked my Chemistry grade today, which was posted outside of the lab. I have to take the final to get an A in the class; moreover, I have to get a 95.5% on the final to get that A. I will studying ALL weekend for that exam. If I get a B in a 4-credit class, I can certainly kiss graduating cum laude goodbye. I'm already barely hanging on with 0.04 of a point above the minimum. I keep saying that I don't care, and that I just want to graduate, but I'm so pissed that a year full of tragedy effed up my GPA like that. Looking back, I know I handled it well, but I watched one semester tank my 3.6 GPA down to a 3.44. Speaking of my unfathomably shitty year, let me give you a rundown by month:

January: Dad died
March: Uncle Glen died
August: Ivan and I broke up (I consider this a personal tragedy, so it is included in my list)
November: Risha, my childhood best friend died
December: Michael, my cousin with whom I am very close, was hospitalized with a very serious condition (this is still going on)

GAHHHHHH!

2007 has a new motto for me:

2007: Keep On Suckin'

I wish I could put my cleverness to better use.

Now for the serious part of the blog, the part that will certainly make me cry while writing it:

My friend, Phil, asked me the the other day if I would spend one more day with my dad if I could. The answer that I was supposed to give was, "oh, no, it would only be a tease, blah blah blah." That's what he said about his father. But I really would spend another day with him. We'd go fishing. I'd spend the entire day cracking jokes with him, and eating sandwiches by the pond. I'd tell him what a great man he is. Some people are just naturally great people. They just seem to have this light around them that shines onto everyone else, and never have anything negative inside them. My dad had to work to become that kind of person; he worked damn hard, too. He was the first to admit he didn't live his life in the best way, and didn't treat people the way he should have. But he recognized that, and worked hard to change it. He became one of those people with the light around them. I am so proud of him. I never told him, either. We were never alone, and that's not the kind of thing you say around other people. I wish I had just told him, "Hey, Dad, let's go to lunch alone." I would take that last day with him, and spend the entire time telling him how much I love him. I didn't always love him. I was a bitter, angry little girl, and harbored a lot of hatred for him inside. I had to work that out, too. My Dad's death was so hard because we didn't always have a strong relationship; we had to work for ours. I really only loved hanging out with my dad a few years before he died. I just got something, and it was taken away. I hate that. I just hope that people in heaven pay attention to stuff that happens down here. I hope he hears me when I pray. I hope he's reading over my shoulder as I type this and is smiling. I just hope he knows that I loved him sooo much, and still do. I hope he knows that I am proud of who he became and how hard he worked to become that. I hope he knows that I don't hold any of that childhood crap against him. I hope he will watch me graduate this Spring. I hope he's feeling that same thing that I am, that he's screaming inside his head, wishing I could hear, "I LOVE YOU, TOO! I'M PROUD OF YOU, TOO!" If nothing else, I hope we share that feeling.

Yeah, I cried. Told ya.



Love,

Suzanne Marie Mangas
Wannabe Blogger Extraordinaire